After texting Tinder randos Christian Bale’s most psychotic lines from American Psycho, I knew I had to do it to ’em and try texting guys the equally cray monologue from Gone Girl. Feminism! I fixed it. Anyways, here’s how 12 guys responded to Rosamund Pike’s iconic “Cool Girl” speech:
1. This Guy Who Thought I Had a Best Seller in Me
Not so much ~inspired by~ as much as ~copy-pasted from~ but you know.
2. This Guy Who Probably Did Not Actually Laugh Out Loud
I appreciate the effort though.
3. This Guy Who Thought He Saw Through Me
Column? Babe, this is a blog post. Get with the times, honey, hahahaha *laughs like Samantha Jones, pulls martini out of nowhere*.
4. This Philosopher
Thirty hundred sixty degrees is a full circle, BTW … He went all the way around and back in that scenario.
5. This Whistleblower
I like my men submissive too.
6. This Liar
I seriously doubt he read that quote today-today, because if so, how many books are you reading in a day that you don’t remember where it’s from?
7. This Guy Who Gets It
8. This Admittedly Confused Man
9. This Honest Guy
Weird, I thought all guys were into angry girls who never smile, never give head, hate everything they’re into, hate football, and are too good for buffalo wings at Hooters. Just kidding, society hasn’t taught men they have to hate themselves that much, that’s just for women. Self-loathing mental gymnastics is a gender-exclusive club still, like writers’ rooms.
10. This Guy Who Doesn’t Get That Manic Pixie Dream Girls Still Fall Under the Umbrella Trope of Cool Girls Engineered for the Male Gaze
I would’ve hit him up further but everyone knows the ultimate male-gazey trope is to be emotionally unavailable yet willing to enthusiastically take a D anytime.
11. This Guy Who Just Wants to Say Hello to His Mom, Dad, and All His Friends From Sydney. Go Sea Eagles!
You heard the man.
12. And Finally, This Ambivalent Dude
Me too, guy, me too.
Honestly, I was surprised more guys didn’t catch on. Sending the text as one large chunk made me think it would be super obvious that it was a quote, so I was shocked only a few people caught on. Overall, these guys were pretty good sports though.
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