Many people are shocked to hear that my husband and I have been working together for so long, and can proceed with our work and physical relationship.
I am not a jealous person. In fact, I love when people flirt with my now husband. It’s mainly because I have full and complete faith in him to always be loyal and never lead anyone on.
We both work in the service industry, so flirting comes up a lot. Be clear about what is ok, and talk to your significant other before creating a confrontation. Many times, it’s harmless joking. By talking, you can have them tell the other person to calm down or back off.
Keep your work and private life separate
There are still people at work who do not know that I am married to another employee. It’s kind of funny since my phone’s background picture is a wedding shot, and they ask to see it.
Then, the dawning light—usually followed by sputtering. It makes me laugh every time, but it also makes me happy that we can separate relationships.
No matter what happens on the clock, we are two separate employees working for the same restaurant. If we had a heated argument before work, I never bring it in or discuss it with others. They will have a biased opinion about him that is not related to work. Usually, our tiffs are so short that they are hardly mentionable.
Now, this is a weird gray area, and I say discuss your relationship with the other before coming in on your day off, or your interaction during shift exchange as one of you is leaving, and the other is going.
Some days, I will be heading home just as he comes in, hair freshly washed and brushed, clean shaven, wide awake and ready to face the world—and I want to kiss him so badly.
However, even though I am off the clock, I am still in uniform, and I do not want to raise any questions about our work ethic, so I usually ask if we need anything, then head home.
Keep your private life work-free—unless you are weird like us
For normal people, the second you clock out, clock out. Maybe spend 10 minutes talking about work, and then move on. Spend time together, watch a movie or discuss anything else besides work. You need time for yourselves, without work constantly hovering overhead.
Now, if you are both workaholics who practically live, eat and breathe your business, never mind. Because my husband and I are both managers, even when we are at home, we are thinking of work.
Usually, I pick his brain about the best approach for handling a situation, and he picks mine about marketing. It’s actually kind of funny how much our jobs are part of our lives, from just the uniform to random prizes and awards we have received over the years. This is a career for both of us, and that is why even at home, we are always looking for ways to improve.
Know your limitations and respect them
For the most part, we get along professionally at work. He is an Assistant Kitchen Manager, and I do Marketing with serving on the side.
Even when I am serving, I can talk to him as a manager, and respect his opinion for back of house policies. The only issue we ever run into is when he has to play the role of front of house manager, and I have to serve. I just… giggle a lot—not completely sure why.
Because of this, though, I ask not to serve when he is going to be in the front, which is very rare to begin with. So, if you work with your lover, make sure you know when you can stay professional, and when you cannot.
You don’t have to announce it
When we entered work together four years ago, as server and cook, no one really cared that we were dating, so we could do what we wanted.
Even then, as time went by and people moved on, I realized that I talked about Dan in the passive term, almost like they probably wouldn’t know him, and many people have yet to meet my husband, Dan. I like to keep it that way. Some of the servers know because of the picture, but, otherwise, they do not need to know or probably really care who he is.