No matter what anyone says, moving past a relationship is difficult. When you have invested any amount of yourself into someone else, calling it quits isn’t easy, and moving on is a challenge in and of itself. But, what’s perhaps more challenging is figuring out if you’re actually over it, or if you just think you are. These subtle signs you’re over your ex will help you figure out where you are in the emotional process, and according to several experts, there are definitely ways to work through how you’re feeling.
If you’re going through a breakup, chances are you’ve wondered when it will all be over, and when you’ll finally move on. Obviously, those are valid thoughts, and you’re probably sick of the clichéd, “time heals all wounds,” adage, but it’s not wrong. Getting over an ex is hard, and it really does take time. However, it actually all depends on how the breakup itself went down. And if you find yourself trying to decide if you’ve fully moved on, then you’re not alone.
So, before you start to get too down on yourself for not moving on as quickly as you thought you would, just breathe, and check out what these experts have to say about getting over an ex, because there are definitely a few subtle signs that you’re on your way.
Unfortunately, A Lot Of Time Passing *Isn’t* A Sign You’ve Moved On
While you might think that it should take a certain period of time to really get over someone, relationship expert Anita A. Chlipala, author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love told Elite Daily that that isn’t exactly true.
According to Chlipala, most breakups have two parts: the physical and the emotional. But, if the physical breakup wasn’t your idea, it might take longer to move forward. As Chlipala said, “It’s one thing if a partner was blindsided by their partner ending the relationship — it can take months to heal from that. If you’ve been doubting the relationship for awhile, it may not take as long to actually move on and start dating or start another relationship.”
So really, don’t look at the calendar as any indication of how far you’ve moved on.
Your Mind Is A Powerful Tool
Obviously, after you’ve first broken up with someone, no matter how it went down, they’re going to be on your mind for a bit. But, according to Demetrius Figueroa, a dating and relationships expert in Brooklyn, gauging your thoughts and how often you’re thinking about your ex is an excellent way to figure out how well you’re moving on.
“One of the biggest signs you’ve moved on is when your ex stops occupying your thoughts,” Figueroa tells Elite Daily. “You might not even realize it at first, but at some point when you’ve moved on, your ex will stop and become an afterthought.”
Additionally, it’s OK if your ex occasionally pops up in your mind, but according to Figueroa, you’ll know you’ve moved on when “you stop wondering what they’re doing, or who they’re with. When you stop checking their social media. When you’ve stopped texting, or stopped waited for their texts. When you’ve stopped wondering where things went wrong, and start wondering what the future holds just for you.”
Basically, a subtle sign that you’ve moved on is that you’re no longer obsessed with what your ex is up to.
You’re Getting Back To Being Yourself
Additionally, a small but seriously important way that you’ll know you’re over your ex is that you’re getting back into what makes you happy. Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent relationship expert in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily, “You’ll also know you’ve moved on when you are resuming your normal day-to-day activities that existed before you met your ex.”
Basically, another subtle hint that you’re so done with your ex is that you’re doing what you want to do. Brown continued, “You are spending time with family, friends, and special colleagues at work who you feel a connection with. Maybe you gave up dancing or art when you were with your ex, and now you start those activities again.”
Maybe You’re Interested In Someone Else
Now, while it isn’t always the best idea to try and immediately jump into a new relationship after a breakup, a good way to see if you’ve moved on from your ex is if you’re even slightly excited about being with someone else.
Eric Resnick, a dating coach and online dating profile writer, told Elite Daily that “Another big sign is that you are interested in someone.” Now you don’t have to be in love with them, but just that you’re thinking about it is enough. Resnick continued, “Not just that you are attracted with them, but you are genuinely interested in another person. It’s really hard to achieve that if you are still focused on your ex.”
But, this doesn’t mean that sex is the answer. According to Resnick, rebound sex is usually not a good idea. “A lot of times that is just you looking for a distraction while you are healing,” he said.
Keep Your Emotions In Check
Now, just because you’re not constantly thinking about your ex doesn’t mean that he or she is gone from your mind. As Chlipala said, “Not having an emotional reaction when we think of them is a good sign that you’ve healed or moved on.”
So maybe, if they do pop up on your Instagram feed (although every expert I spoke to agreed that deleting your ex’s number or unfollowing your ex on social media is usually pretty helpful), you’ll realize that you just don’t care. Then, in that moment, you can breathe and smile, because you’ve moved on, babe.
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