1. Ditching dudes who feel like work in any way. You can’t fathom being with a guy you have to babysit or beg to do anything right. You literally do not have time or the mental capacity to deal with someone who can’t even pick a restaurant.
2. Showing up to your sushi date drenched in sweat from spin class. Look, you’re not going to compromise on the things that matter to you, even if it sometimes means rocking some dewy skin from rushing to get everywhere on time. The guy you’re dating has to accept this.
3. Carrying That Bag. You know the one. It narrowly dislocates your shoulder due to the fact that half your very busy life’s in it. So when the guy offers to free up a drawer for your essentials, he is very romantically taking weight off your shoulder.
4. Picking date locations so it’s easy for you to get there quickly. LOL, as if you have an hour and a half to trek to some ominously sticky dive bar that’s also ~*~magically*~* next to his apartment.
5. Expecting guys to plan ahead. You’re just not a “you free rn?” kind of girl. You need him to make the effort and actually clear out a night in advance, instead of assuming you’re just lying in bed, pining for him to text you back.
6. Scheduling a Tinder date in between work drinks and a birthday party. Giving a guy you’ve never met a full night of your time seems way too generous.
7. Or rescheduling a first date for actual months. You could make a drinking game out of how often you’ve texted, “would it be ok if we rainchecked?”
8. Forgetting to check your apps in general. You’re on here because it’s a potential way to meet someone, yadda, yadda, yadda, but it’s also work that you’re not getting paid for. And it’s not creatively or intellectually fulfilling to browse through the same skull-numbingly similar pics of guys fishing every night. Hence, you forget to check all the time. Oh well!
9. Quickly forgetting about men who don’t follow up. You actually could not remember to be anxious about their flakiness even if you wanted to. If they’re not actively trying to be on your radar, they’re gone.
10. Especially dumping men who waste your time. You don’t understand the “playing hard to get” ritual of dating. If he cancels on you last minute sans explanation or keeps going back and forth on whether he wants commitment or not, you’re way too miffed to see any lingering cuteness in him.
11. Navigating your Google Calendar like a pro. You know you have drinks with his sister at 7:15, then a 9 p.m. movie, but an early bedtime because you have a flight the next day. You’ll flood his inbox with invites and also remind him.
12. Having to unexpectedly work on dates sometimes. You’ll apologize profusely but he also knows that dating you comes with occasionally chilling for a sec while you tackle those emails.
13. Coming up with the best date ideas. Huge chunks of free time are seriously sparse, and you’re going to want to spend it on scenic day trips, Insta-worthy rooftop bars, or at least a really good brunch.
14. Preferring morning sex to night sex. Honestly, you’re usually crashing by the time you hop into bed. Morning sex, however, never fails to wake you up and give you that lil confidence boost that carries through the day.
15. Amazing the hell out of whoever is dating you. Your life is jam-packed to the brim, but when you like someone, you find the time for them. And they’ll be so happy (and seriously impressed) you did.
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