10 Things an Average Guy Wishes He Knew About Sex Before He Had It

1. It’s better than I could’ve possibly imagined. Orgasming with the help of another person while you also help them orgasm is a pretty unique experience. Sure, you can orgasm all on your own. But it’s impossible to prepare for sex.

2. But it’s also not that big of a deal. When you’re a virgin, there’s a tendency to really overthink sex. It’s like waiting for Christmas morning. The more you think about it, the longer it feels like it’s going to take for it to actually happen. If my future self built a time machine and traveled to my past self, he could’ve told him, “Hey, man. Calm down about sex. It’s seriously not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.” I think my past self would probably be pretty disappointed if someone showed up in a time machine just to say that so maybe he wouldn’t even listen. He’d be too upset someone appeared in a time machine and talked to him about sex for 30 seconds. Really though, obviously you don’t want to rush into sex before you’re ready, but making yourself crazy angsting about it just isn’t worth it.

3. It has a distinct smell. It’s not a bad smell but it’s a specific smell. This one is good to know for all the times you thought, Hey, maybe my parents have no idea we weren’t studying in here. They did. They knew. Studying doesn’t smell that funky. Light a goddamn candle. I take it back. If I built a time machine, I’d tell my past self to invest in at least one frigging Yankee Candle.

4. It’s not always about going hard and fast. It can be, but beyond the internet and a few awkward lectures in health class, there’s not a lot of advanced guidance when it comes to what to do during sex. Gentle can be good too. Basically, read the room (aka your partner, who is hopefully the only one in the room your first time).

5. And as far as stamina is concerned, it can be too much of a good thing. A lot of emphasis gets placed on marathon sex sessions and having a giant penis. Especially if you have nothing to go on outside of snippets you’ve picked up on movies and other media, it sounds like that’s all a guy has to do to be good at sex. And sure, lasting longer than 30 seconds is nice. But that also doesn’t mean you should jerk off a whole bunch in one day so you can go for five hours. “Too much of a good thing” definitely applies here.

6. Take your time. It’s not a race to get to the “good part.” Foreplay is important. Hell, for some people foreplay is the “good part.” Good sex is like a three course-meal at a five-star restaurant. It should all be good enough that you don’t want any of it to end. Also, maybe sorbet in between to cleanse the palate. That last part applies to both.

7. It’s OK to laugh. Not, like, constantly. But sex can be funny. Awkward things can happen. You can be going hard about to orgasm and then smash your heads into each other or fall off the bed. Sex is (hopefully) way more awkward when you first start having it but you can still have weird moments. Don’t take it so seriously.

8. Take protection seriously. Just because you’re both virgins or you’re “positive” you can pull out in time doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be using protection. Always use it.

9. It’s not always easy for women to orgasm. Some women can finish five times in as many minutes. For others, it’s borderline impossible. They might require a very specific set of circumstances. (Editor’s note: LOL, duh). This is another instance where having access to internet porn isn’t necessarily a great thing. No matter how good you are at sex, or how well-versed or flexible, some women will just have a harder time orgasming. And it isn’t anyone’s fault at all. As long as you’re asking questions and listening and genuinely trying to give each other what they like, you’re doing OK. I wish I learned sooner that stressing out about a partner not orgasming can actually stress her out too.

10. Use sex toys. It’s not like you have to go crazy-kinky and put on a full latex suit and fuck suspended from the ceiling. But mess around with some toys that look fun. You don’t need to bust them out every day, but there’s nothing weird about that. Just don’t go buy them from the sketchy novelty shop in the mall.

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